After my bootcamp class workout this morning I was talking to the trainer changing my credit card info b/c apparently I have been shopping so little lately that a trip to costco, some clothes, and some gas all in the same day sent my bank to suspect fraud and halt my account...for the SECOND TIME in one month. Le Sigh...Can I live Bank of America, can I breathe?
Anyhow the trainer was basically like you COULD have an incredible body if you would stop Bs'ing! (he said it much more diplomatically and complimentary but this was the main point) I work out hard, I could stand to be more consistent but clearly the issue is what I'm doing outside the gym. So what am I doing outside the gym???
I've been having a torrid and ongoing affair with Vodka since 2002. I love it. It loves me. Who am I kidding, I've been seeing its friends Red Wine, Whiskey and Hennessy as well. *for shame*.
While I have cut back from my alcohol consumption, apparently its not enough to make a difference in my weight loss/video vixen body status.
So this morning my trainer took it upon himself to have a come to Jesus meeting with him re: what the heck I'm doing with my fitness life. Its fair. He is interested in my results both as the architect of my new bod and also as someone who would eventually like to get his hands on it.
But it did jog me back to the reality of what is the point of all this working out if I'm just going to drink away any possible gains I might be making. So he has made the personal training offer, and a diet to follow for 30 days (he'd prefer 45) to see if his way works better than mine. I know that he is right, and that if I followed his directions that I would lose weight...I just don't want to spend the rest of my life only eating brown rice and then exercising like a maniac to work off said rice. But if my body looks like Anowa Adjah (The fit Nigerian or Thick healthy-whatever she calls herself) while I'm eating and then promptly feeling guilty for that rice, won't I be too busy thinking how sexy I am to care? These are the questions.
Me being a teacher's pet, having someone that I respect and that I am contractually bound to see for the next 6 months hold me responsible for my weight loss is very motivating. Hopefully this little talk will get me going in a legitimately positive direction.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Friday, August 03, 2012
A few...
1. I am sick of being alone. I do sometimes get irked by random couples I see out, on some "she got him, and I'm alone. SERIOUSLY!?" Before being alone was cool b/c I was choosing to be alone, there were ppl I could have been with I just didn't want them. Now, though. There are no ppl. No one is trying to holla, no one is giving me the option to say, naw I'm cool-Thanks though. Nonetheless it is what it is. It doesn't feel like something I have control over, I'll meet someone when I meet someone. But until then I would rather be pessimistic and assume that this is my life get used to it, than to hope for someone who may never come and be disappointed.
2. I need a new convertible strap bra. The one have now is literally being held together with safety pins. Which means I will have on a fab outfit with a bra underneath that might pop off at any moment. I need to get that together ASAP.
3. I spoke with my most recent Ex recently. He and his wife just celebrated their one year anniversary. This is the first time since a couple days before his wedding that we have spoken. The last time we spoke he asked if we could come over to my house 'to chill'. I knew at the time that he had a baby on the way and that he would likely marry the mother since that is the type of dude he is. I declined his visit, and immediately he retracted the offer as if he was just playing. You know the old, "I'm just playin'...unless you are going to do it?!" On facebook two days later I saw that he got married. Needless to say we didn't speak for a year. The conversation we had last week was as if we hadn't missed a beat. Jokes from the jump, our old teasing routines about my consistent 0-60 reaction speed, and his inability to be in a relationship longer than 6 months at a time, etc. hilarious stuff. I have a tendancy to make light of this relationship since at the time it seemed like maybe I had imagined the whole thing. He let it go so easily that maybe it was all in my head the whole time. But in our conversation each time I even jokingly suggested that our relationship was anything less than a full fledged relationship he would shut that down immediately. Apparently it wasn't just me. That made me feel good and gave me some closure to that chapter of my life.
4. Go Gabby!! I recently read Melissa Harris-Perry's book Sister Citizen and in it she discussed the notion of Kinship. Its the feeling that many black ppl have that the successes and failures of other black people reflect on them. When we see a black man do well in the world we are proud of him, he is one of 'us' he could be our cousin, brother, or father. Likewise when black men try to rob a Burlington Coat Factory in Inglewood at 8am and hold the employees hostage in a standoff with police-we feel a sense of shame and wonder whose Bebe cousins thought robbing a store BEFORE IT EVEN OPENS was a good idea! So when Gabby Douglas delivers an amazing display of gymnastics it feels like my little sister just did something incredible with the whole world watching. I'm not a nationalistic kind of person, and only watch the Olympics occassionally but I must say-I am some kind of proud of one Gabby Douglas.
5. I'm old. You wanna know how I know? I went out Friday-Mon this past week and that completely wore me out. Tonight, a Friday night. I am super crunk to stay home and sew tonight. Sewing on a Friday night at home alone. The life of a star I guess.
2. I need a new convertible strap bra. The one have now is literally being held together with safety pins. Which means I will have on a fab outfit with a bra underneath that might pop off at any moment. I need to get that together ASAP.
3. I spoke with my most recent Ex recently. He and his wife just celebrated their one year anniversary. This is the first time since a couple days before his wedding that we have spoken. The last time we spoke he asked if we could come over to my house 'to chill'. I knew at the time that he had a baby on the way and that he would likely marry the mother since that is the type of dude he is. I declined his visit, and immediately he retracted the offer as if he was just playing. You know the old, "I'm just playin'...unless you are going to do it?!" On facebook two days later I saw that he got married. Needless to say we didn't speak for a year. The conversation we had last week was as if we hadn't missed a beat. Jokes from the jump, our old teasing routines about my consistent 0-60 reaction speed, and his inability to be in a relationship longer than 6 months at a time, etc. hilarious stuff. I have a tendancy to make light of this relationship since at the time it seemed like maybe I had imagined the whole thing. He let it go so easily that maybe it was all in my head the whole time. But in our conversation each time I even jokingly suggested that our relationship was anything less than a full fledged relationship he would shut that down immediately. Apparently it wasn't just me. That made me feel good and gave me some closure to that chapter of my life.
4. Go Gabby!! I recently read Melissa Harris-Perry's book Sister Citizen and in it she discussed the notion of Kinship. Its the feeling that many black ppl have that the successes and failures of other black people reflect on them. When we see a black man do well in the world we are proud of him, he is one of 'us' he could be our cousin, brother, or father. Likewise when black men try to rob a Burlington Coat Factory in Inglewood at 8am and hold the employees hostage in a standoff with police-we feel a sense of shame and wonder whose Bebe cousins thought robbing a store BEFORE IT EVEN OPENS was a good idea! So when Gabby Douglas delivers an amazing display of gymnastics it feels like my little sister just did something incredible with the whole world watching. I'm not a nationalistic kind of person, and only watch the Olympics occassionally but I must say-I am some kind of proud of one Gabby Douglas.
5. I'm old. You wanna know how I know? I went out Friday-Mon this past week and that completely wore me out. Tonight, a Friday night. I am super crunk to stay home and sew tonight. Sewing on a Friday night at home alone. The life of a star I guess.
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