Dealing with emotions....for Dummies

So i've been having all these discussions lately about how we as black women deal with issues in our lives, the emotional and mental ones. I am of the "Suck it up and make it work" camp. I was raised in that camp, all the women in my family are in that camp, and the men too are strict adherents to the policy of "that which does not kill you only makes you stronger or bitter, as the case may be".

Thus far being in this camp has worked well for me. I consider myself happy and well adjusted here. There is nothing outwardly wrong, I have things that cause me a fair amount of mental/emotional anguish but since I haven't/won't/or are not ready to do what is necessary to fix/alleviate them I don't think about them much. I am a problem solver. If there is an issue, I want to find the solution. If I consider a problem and come to the conclusion that there is no solution or I'm not ready for the solution, i stop thinking about it. My thought is, if there is nothing to do about it why keep torturing myself ruminating over something I can't control or fix.

And that is how I live my life.

A friend told me recently that all of my going out and being stretched periliously thin have to do with me looking for activities so that I don't have to deal with the things that bother me. Her point has merit. If I have a problem with another person I am all about confronting them and getting a resolution, so that I can check that off of my things to do list. But when I am the only actor involved, when its my own thoughts that demand confrontation i ignore them until they are silent, or occupy myself to keep them at bay.

Ok, so: "Self", I say to myself, "No more going out all the time. Relax on the going out and reflect some." So now instead of hitting the town I hang out at home, supposedly to reflect...really I'm just watching tivo, or a movie, or reading my book. No real reflection takes place. Plus, where going out used to "make me feel better" I've replaced it with shopping. Yesterday was a bad day at work, I couldn't focus, i had a lot of other crap on mind (things I can't really do anything about, or am not ready to do anything about) and finally i realized I was wasting time and left. I was supposed to go home, relax, and just get my head together. Instead I went shopping. By the time I was done i was so pleased with my purchases and how well they worked with my new shoes that I no longer needed to reflect, so i watched Tivo.

I realized today, on my drive into the office, that I don't know HOW to reflect or work out my issues. If I can't put my finger on a solution, or am not ready to take the steps necessary for a solution, then what am i doing but putting my mind and emotions through an exercise in futility? I don't know how to self soothe. If I need to feel better I have to DO something: eat, drink (not in the alky kind of way), shop, go out, do my hair and make up, get dressed up etc...I don't know how to sit down think about a quandry, or some left over emotions, or a feeling of "some sorta way" and make myself feel better about it, or deal with it.

So as I was driving I was thinking I am going to do some research on how to deal with my emotions and stop running from them....by the time I got to work, I hit up a friend to have dinner with me tonight, decided to invite some other ppl out tomorrow night, solidified plans for Sat, scheduled a dinner for Sun, and thought of ppl to go to a concert with me on Mon....I'll try again some other time, i have too much to do this weekend.