History has been popping up on me lately.
I recalled the other day, something I hadn't thought of probably since it happened, but my mom used to pull my loose teeth by tying a string around them and tying the other end to a door knob, and then slamming the door. It makes me laugh at how cruel it was now, to be clear my mother had no intention of being cruel, in fact she subscribed to some old wives tale that a loose tooth HAD to come out (wouldn't it have come out eventually? What was the rush? I think the fear involved something about swallowing the tooth), and for whatever reason this was the most logical method. But how she never thought of the crippling fear and terror such a thing might create cracks me up. I just remember being almost frantic during the set up, trying to decide if sitting through this or getting a whooping would be more painful. Funny thing is that I don't really remember it hurting, I just remember the agony of anticipation. I think it only happened a couple times, I learned pretty quickly that if I just get the tooth out before she noticed it was loose I could avoid the whole situation. My mother was an insane person-lol and good Lord I love her.
Thats the thing about being a parent, its happening in real time, there is no ability to put a moment on pause and deliberate all appropriate courses, or all possible outcomes of any one decision. You just have to do it, and hope for the best. Its not until they are an adult or after a few years that you can look back and determine which idea worked and which one didn't. The more things I see my parents go through with my little brother, now 18, the more I see what a difficult tight rope parents walk. There just is no "right" way. Each kid is different. Each one needs a different kind of attention/discipline/level of nurturing/independence etc. Its a crap shot. You don't know what kind of kid you are going to get or what approach will work best with said child. And you only have a few years to get it right, you get it wrong and the rest of your life and theirs you spend in regret and they spend jacked up in some form or fashion. History: I look back on my step brother and my step dad. First arrest at 18 after teen years chalk full of screw ups bad decision making and just general bad kid stuff. He got plenty of whoopings, talking to-s, bible admonishments, counseling etc, he simply couldn't/wouldn't pull it together. All the things that worked for his sister failed for him. And 18 was essentially the beginning of his end. That first arrest put his life on a course that he would never quite recover from. He did a little jail time, probation. Got out did well, then violated. More jail time, more probation/parole, and on and on and on. He's now well over 45 and doing something like 2-6 as we speak. He could never quite find his footing on the outside, getting his ish completely together always alluded him. It was always one seemingly minor failing that did him in-missed parole/probation meeting, failure to register appropriately, driving illegally, and on and on and on. And it was never his fault-this grown able bodied man, never did anything that he was solely responsible for, ALSO it was never his friends. Always some external force they had no control over. Always. Present Day: my little 18 year old brother is consistently in trouble. But it's never his fault, its always someone or something else's fault. He just had his first arrest. Tomorrow we'll find out if he's getting out and what the final charges will be. Likely it shouldn't be that big of a deal, but his behavior is so frightening because its just further evidence of the fact that he is such a follower, such an identity-less kid. I just wish I knew how to reach him. I wish I knew what the formula is for him. I hear the guilt/regret/frustration in my stepmom's voice and I feel for her. By no account was she a bad mom. And even if she was, people make choices, he's not a little kid anymore. I just can't bear to see history repeat itself in this brother.
Then there is the history with Him. Its been rocky at best. Despite that, we're happy right now. But in the back of my mind, if he takes too long to get back to me with a call, or he doesn't respond to my texts for what i feel is too long. All that doubt comes back. That knot in my stomach returns and I immediately think the worst. And the killer is i know that I am over reacting but I can't make it stop...That history keeps pulling me back. He gets it, kinda. It doesn't make him as overly considerate of my feelings as I'd like him to be but he does ok.
History has been heavy on my mind.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Since someone, who we'll call Ms. Bossypants demanded that I blog, here I am to blog.
What is going on with me?
1. I'm in love. Most notably and interestingly I am in love. Its not a new love, its the same person I've been in love with for a few years now, but instead of fighting my feelings I (we) are all in. Its nice. Its new-ish. We both agree this is our last and final try, if we can't make it work this go around, we'll let it go. Or maybe I'm the one committed to letting it go. Either way, thus far its been a good ride. I'm learning to take satisfaction in each day. Be grateful for my daily happinesses-the coffee that I perfectly creamed and sugared, the new music I found online, a sweet message/phone call/text, him keeping his word in the small things, a sub circuit overseer and wife that I adore, and just the fun that is my life.
2. Work is transitioning, and with change comes growing pains. My job is making me racist. Of my employees the only ones I like are the Mexican ones. All the white employees I've had have been the laziest, most entitled, snobby, complaining, least hard working ppl especially when compared to my coming in early, leaving late, working weekends NEVER complaining Mexican employees. I fired my last white employee on Friday (but I also fired one Mexican one). SOOOO happy with the current staff. Also, for the record, I LOVE white ppl...some of my best friends, yadda, yadda, yadda.
3. Physically-I'm not currently dying of anything in particular. But what is it about being in a relationship that makes you fat?? Like why since we have been together have I gained all the weight I'd lost recently? Its so crazy! So tomorrow I start with a dietary supplement, treadmill, no carbs etc. I've got to do something otherwise i'll be as big as a house and I can't have that.
4. My sister and I are doing pretty ok. I'm fairly certain that she knows about my dude. She's come by when he's been here hanging out at my house, they have been talking b/c she needed some work done on her car. She invited him over to the house for dinner in payment for his free work on her car. He has thus far spent an evening with my cousins on my Father's side. Hangs out with Jai and I all the time. I've spent a fair bit of time with his mother and sister, and will be having dinner with his father for a second time in a couple weeks. My dad is bothering me to meet him as well. Despite what I believe to be my sister's knowledge other then a joking aside about him being my boyfriend she hasn't said anything to me about him, no questions, no real comments about him being at my house or us spending weekend time together. Which is almost more telling for my super inquisitive sister.
She is still getting her panties all in a bunch that we don't spend a whole heck of a lot of social time together. And she invited me to go on a cruise with her and her friends, and got totally in a huff when I was reluctant to go. Because I am the great ppl pleaser I gave in and will now be going on a cruise in August that I don't really want to go on. But i'm sure it will be fun nonetheless.
5. Spirituality-it needs some work. The traveling overseer and his wife subbed for our circuit overseer this weekend. Normally I don't participate in the wining and dining of the traveling brothers, but my favorite couple and sister we're going so I decided to go. We went to a winery restaurant, so we wine tasted, ate good food and had genuinely funny, comfortable conversation. They were great, and hanging with them was really encouraging. I always love to meet normal, well adjusted, contemporary, fun witnesses.
I think thats about the jist of it. I can't think of anything else important that is going on.
Hope all is well with ya'll.
What is going on with me?
1. I'm in love. Most notably and interestingly I am in love. Its not a new love, its the same person I've been in love with for a few years now, but instead of fighting my feelings I (we) are all in. Its nice. Its new-ish. We both agree this is our last and final try, if we can't make it work this go around, we'll let it go. Or maybe I'm the one committed to letting it go. Either way, thus far its been a good ride. I'm learning to take satisfaction in each day. Be grateful for my daily happinesses-the coffee that I perfectly creamed and sugared, the new music I found online, a sweet message/phone call/text, him keeping his word in the small things, a sub circuit overseer and wife that I adore, and just the fun that is my life.
2. Work is transitioning, and with change comes growing pains. My job is making me racist. Of my employees the only ones I like are the Mexican ones. All the white employees I've had have been the laziest, most entitled, snobby, complaining, least hard working ppl especially when compared to my coming in early, leaving late, working weekends NEVER complaining Mexican employees. I fired my last white employee on Friday (but I also fired one Mexican one). SOOOO happy with the current staff. Also, for the record, I LOVE white ppl...some of my best friends, yadda, yadda, yadda.
3. Physically-I'm not currently dying of anything in particular. But what is it about being in a relationship that makes you fat?? Like why since we have been together have I gained all the weight I'd lost recently? Its so crazy! So tomorrow I start with a dietary supplement, treadmill, no carbs etc. I've got to do something otherwise i'll be as big as a house and I can't have that.
4. My sister and I are doing pretty ok. I'm fairly certain that she knows about my dude. She's come by when he's been here hanging out at my house, they have been talking b/c she needed some work done on her car. She invited him over to the house for dinner in payment for his free work on her car. He has thus far spent an evening with my cousins on my Father's side. Hangs out with Jai and I all the time. I've spent a fair bit of time with his mother and sister, and will be having dinner with his father for a second time in a couple weeks. My dad is bothering me to meet him as well. Despite what I believe to be my sister's knowledge other then a joking aside about him being my boyfriend she hasn't said anything to me about him, no questions, no real comments about him being at my house or us spending weekend time together. Which is almost more telling for my super inquisitive sister.
She is still getting her panties all in a bunch that we don't spend a whole heck of a lot of social time together. And she invited me to go on a cruise with her and her friends, and got totally in a huff when I was reluctant to go. Because I am the great ppl pleaser I gave in and will now be going on a cruise in August that I don't really want to go on. But i'm sure it will be fun nonetheless.
5. Spirituality-it needs some work. The traveling overseer and his wife subbed for our circuit overseer this weekend. Normally I don't participate in the wining and dining of the traveling brothers, but my favorite couple and sister we're going so I decided to go. We went to a winery restaurant, so we wine tasted, ate good food and had genuinely funny, comfortable conversation. They were great, and hanging with them was really encouraging. I always love to meet normal, well adjusted, contemporary, fun witnesses.
I think thats about the jist of it. I can't think of anything else important that is going on.
Hope all is well with ya'll.
Monday, November 02, 2009
The Experiment...
So the great hair experiment of 09' came and went. And here was day one of the experiment.
This was about 2/3rds the way dry. Except for the stringy dumb front part the back curled up nicely, which it should since its only been molested by a pressing comb once in the last 7 months or so and my African roots run strong.
I braided it up that night, and it came out a little crazy in the morning, but after getting into the shower, applying more product, and doing a bit of styling this is what I ended up with.
From the side and at this point it was totally cute! Later in the day I didn't love it so much, it got a little mushroomy, the sides got flat on the bottom and left me with a look I didn't love. But it slapped up into a cute ponytail. I almost want to press it out a couple more times just to loosed up the curl a bit, but I know that in so doing I'll just be left with ridiculous straight tips. Ohhh the dilemma.
Speaking of my dilemma(s) I purchased the most important book ever the other day. It is my new personal bible, I wish it came in pocket form.
"If your face is flushed...you might have yellow fever. If your toes are discolored...you might have gangrene." I can now identify nearly all the possible obscure diseases related to any minuscule pain or discomfort I may experience. How wonderful is that!?
This was about 2/3rds the way dry. Except for the stringy dumb front part the back curled up nicely, which it should since its only been molested by a pressing comb once in the last 7 months or so and my African roots run strong.
I braided it up that night, and it came out a little crazy in the morning, but after getting into the shower, applying more product, and doing a bit of styling this is what I ended up with.
From the side and at this point it was totally cute! Later in the day I didn't love it so much, it got a little mushroomy, the sides got flat on the bottom and left me with a look I didn't love. But it slapped up into a cute ponytail. I almost want to press it out a couple more times just to loosed up the curl a bit, but I know that in so doing I'll just be left with ridiculous straight tips. Ohhh the dilemma.
Speaking of my dilemma(s) I purchased the most important book ever the other day. It is my new personal bible, I wish it came in pocket form.
"If your face is flushed...you might have yellow fever. If your toes are discolored...you might have gangrene." I can now identify nearly all the possible obscure diseases related to any minuscule pain or discomfort I may experience. How wonderful is that!?
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
The Newness...
Hey all!!!
Wow August 15th...jeez what have I been up to since then?
Well the end of (technical) summer has come since then. I think at the end I kinda feel like "ehhh". Last summer was so awesome, St. Maarten, New York, bi-monthly Honey Parties, my regular schedule of parties and concerts it was an incredible summer. Perhaps too wonderful as just after summer I was summarily laid-off. A fact which i didn't discuss at the time, it was so devastating back then. Thankfully now I can laugh at how embarrassed/hurt/sad/confused/lost I was back then.
Anyway back to the much more pleasant now...sorta.
Well since August, I've lost a little bit of the love I had at first. People are idiots and seemingly bent on irritating me. Why, why must you do things that will only serve to make me want to fire you and literally kick you in the behind on your way out? My most problematic employee mercifully quit, I almost fell to my knees thanking her. However even with her gone, it ain't all rainbows and sunshine.
I also put the greatest stress imaginable on one of my most treasured friendships. I totaled my girls car. Le Sigh. You know that point in the evening when you realize one more drink and i'm out...She got to that point asked how I was doing (i'm always sober) I assured her that I was fine and more then willing to drive us home in her car. Got car from valet, pulled out into traffic, immediately hit by oncoming car, pinning us between said car and parked taxi cab. It was ugly, I couldn't have felt worse. It didn't help that we both were headed out of town, and had some other things going on for a few wknds deviating from our regularly scheduled weekend party time. While she battled with her insurance, and the body shop, and figuring out if we were praying for fixibility or for them to total it, I stressed. I firmly believe that finances/money is the quickest way to ruin a relationship. And though I vowed to cover any and every expense, a huge part of the hassle is simply being on the phone with these ppl, going to get your stuff out of the car, and just keeping up with all the nonsense. Turns out about 28 days after the accident (just before her rental car ran out) they totaled the car, she ended up getting her deposit, plus two car payments back and only had to pay the deductible. She was so gracious throughout, and haggled with me to force me to let the whole thing go, call us even and carry on. I still feel in her debt to some degree, but i'm happy that it all worked out and that we have moved on, resuming our regularly scheduled drinking outings, in which i drive all the time regardless.
I have also sorta rekindled a love affair. He seems different this time. But I'm pretty sure i've said that before so don't put too much stock in it. I'm still waiting, watching, wondering what's going to happen this time.
The end of summer also means the end of JennWill's weave. I love my summer weave, so big and wild, or long and perfectly curled. Ahhh good times. But I saw "Good Hair", and my hair has grown out quite a bit since I started this whole 6 mos in a weave 6 mos out schedule. And really my own natural curl is pretty lovely, but I always hated the shrinkage and how short it got. Now that its longer, I'm so curious. My step mom has mastered doing a straw set on her own hair and I told her that I would let her test it out on mine...but I also just want to see what my hair will do on its own. To that end, I went to a showcase of Miss Jessie's products. Which allegedly will keep my curly locks curly and soft instead of frizzy and half straightish. Anyone use these products? Or have any other recommendations? Mia, I'm talking to you. :)
Its an experiment that I might try this weekend, I'll let you all know how it goes.
I have also totally fallen off my workout/eating right grind. So sad. I refuse to be sloppy, but I also refuse to live without french fries. Quite the quandary.
Alright ya'll! Missed ya!
Wow August 15th...jeez what have I been up to since then?
Well the end of (technical) summer has come since then. I think at the end I kinda feel like "ehhh". Last summer was so awesome, St. Maarten, New York, bi-monthly Honey Parties, my regular schedule of parties and concerts it was an incredible summer. Perhaps too wonderful as just after summer I was summarily laid-off. A fact which i didn't discuss at the time, it was so devastating back then. Thankfully now I can laugh at how embarrassed/hurt/sad/confused/lost I was back then.
Anyway back to the much more pleasant now...sorta.
Well since August, I've lost a little bit of the love I had at first. People are idiots and seemingly bent on irritating me. Why, why must you do things that will only serve to make me want to fire you and literally kick you in the behind on your way out? My most problematic employee mercifully quit, I almost fell to my knees thanking her. However even with her gone, it ain't all rainbows and sunshine.
I also put the greatest stress imaginable on one of my most treasured friendships. I totaled my girls car. Le Sigh. You know that point in the evening when you realize one more drink and i'm out...She got to that point asked how I was doing (i'm always sober) I assured her that I was fine and more then willing to drive us home in her car. Got car from valet, pulled out into traffic, immediately hit by oncoming car, pinning us between said car and parked taxi cab. It was ugly, I couldn't have felt worse. It didn't help that we both were headed out of town, and had some other things going on for a few wknds deviating from our regularly scheduled weekend party time. While she battled with her insurance, and the body shop, and figuring out if we were praying for fixibility or for them to total it, I stressed. I firmly believe that finances/money is the quickest way to ruin a relationship. And though I vowed to cover any and every expense, a huge part of the hassle is simply being on the phone with these ppl, going to get your stuff out of the car, and just keeping up with all the nonsense. Turns out about 28 days after the accident (just before her rental car ran out) they totaled the car, she ended up getting her deposit, plus two car payments back and only had to pay the deductible. She was so gracious throughout, and haggled with me to force me to let the whole thing go, call us even and carry on. I still feel in her debt to some degree, but i'm happy that it all worked out and that we have moved on, resuming our regularly scheduled drinking outings, in which i drive all the time regardless.
I have also sorta rekindled a love affair. He seems different this time. But I'm pretty sure i've said that before so don't put too much stock in it. I'm still waiting, watching, wondering what's going to happen this time.
The end of summer also means the end of JennWill's weave. I love my summer weave, so big and wild, or long and perfectly curled. Ahhh good times. But I saw "Good Hair", and my hair has grown out quite a bit since I started this whole 6 mos in a weave 6 mos out schedule. And really my own natural curl is pretty lovely, but I always hated the shrinkage and how short it got. Now that its longer, I'm so curious. My step mom has mastered doing a straw set on her own hair and I told her that I would let her test it out on mine...but I also just want to see what my hair will do on its own. To that end, I went to a showcase of Miss Jessie's products. Which allegedly will keep my curly locks curly and soft instead of frizzy and half straightish. Anyone use these products? Or have any other recommendations? Mia, I'm talking to you. :)
Its an experiment that I might try this weekend, I'll let you all know how it goes.
I have also totally fallen off my workout/eating right grind. So sad. I refuse to be sloppy, but I also refuse to live without french fries. Quite the quandary.
Alright ya'll! Missed ya!
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Live Blogging...
It is Saturday 9:37pm and I am drafting a demand letter for a client at The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf on LaCienega Blvd. across the street from the Beverly Center in Beverly Hills.
Obviously it is unusal for me to be in such a place on such a prime outing night however circumstances (a hair appt) required that I kill some time before meeting up with my peeps for a night out lite on the town-I'm still getting over a cold of course.
But the reason I decided to live blog, all the while earning my retained fees, is because about 10 minutes ago a couple walked in, and I am now bearing witness to the WORST 1st date/meeting that has ever taken place in the history of the world.
These two met online, apparently her main picutre is all oily skinned looking, and she looks pale and white. Apprently in real life she is far more beautiful then her pictures lead on, also she looks spanish, or exotic in real life, what with her dark skin (she is not dark, she is a white girl). I know these things because the guy she is meeting is incredibly loud, and an ASSHOLE. In the first 3 minutes of them walking in I heard him commenting/complaining about how far he has driven to meet this girl-apparently over an hour. And her initial reaction was less then enthused, which made him feel like she was disappointed and that he wasn't her type which made him sad because she is his type, and he has driven far to see her, and does she think he is fat? No really? Tell me honestly-do you think i'm fat, b/c you know how you don't always know what you look like until someone else tells you honestly, so honestly would you say i'm fat/chubby/out of shape for a guy? I mean i'm not running or exercising as much as I used to b/c you know i'm in law school and i'm busy, but like I was thinner, and i'm losing weight, do you think I would be more your type if I lost more weight? She mumbles three words. Then he launches off about why he went to law school-b/c all the lawyers he used to get his daughter back weren't really helpful-so really you think i'm overweight and you're not attracted to me.....
This goes on, and on, and on. More about him. More about his insecurity re: weight, more, more, more. I just want to rescue her. I don't know her. Probably wouldn't even like her if i knew her personally, but seriously this date/meeting is painful!!
9:52-he brought a change of clothes they are in the car, does she want him to change, b/c he can. What was your last relationship like?
9:54 And now they are leaving, and she looks at me plaintiffly. Maybe I would like her in real life. I smile a knowing, yet empathetic smile. That was brutal hopefully she is finding a way to wrap it up and not going with him to the next location. Poor woman.
Gosh, I wish they didn't leave. Now I have to go back to working.
Anyway so my Month O' Travel is not going to happen. My sister volunteered to go with me. And then the next morning after thinking about it she recalled that she is buying a house, trying to pay off bills, and need not embark on a month of frivolous spending. As she ticked off all the obligations she needs to pay, I recalled that I have the same bills to pay and need to save/slow down just as much. So the Month O' Travel is dead. Instead I think I'll blow some money taking my sister on a surprise local get-a-way.
9:59-This really clean 6-series BMW drop top on exaggerated rims pulls into the parking lot with two black dudes, one of whom is wearing sunglasses atop his head (why?). They exit the vehicle and walk towards an old Honda Civic two door with these two waiting non black chicks. Both of whom exit the vehicle to allow the dudes into the back seat. WTH?? If we're going to sit in a car, in a parking lot, I'm sitting in the BMW, not the Honda! Also, seriously, what are they doing? Blowjobs? Drug deal? double date? So many questions.
10:09-black guy with dumb sunglasses comes into coffee bean, apparently to make a phone call and/or purchase a beverage.
10:11-Sunglasses attempts to get into my line of sight under guise of toying with phone, waiting on drink. I ignore knowing that he purchased nothing, and is an idiot.
10:13-Sunglasses buys a hot chocolate-just say you're gay.
Ok so the timeline gets screwed up here, b/c my ex-bf Jovon shows up to say hello to me and introduce me to his new artist that he is managing Bluu.
Just before Jov shows up, the other black guy gets out of the Honda with an envelope, and he and one of the girls go into the trunk for something. The Jov appears in my line of vision and I almost don't recognize him because he is so skinny. Bastard. We chat, he states that I am lovely etc. I don't say that this is the first time i've seen him since May, and so don't start with me about how you miss me, care for me, i smell good etc, bull-ish. But he reads between the lines, b/c he knows me well and makes his guilty face. He also tells me that he finally put his free-loading perpetual child roommate/son out of his apartment yesterday. Huh, ain't that sumthin.
So anyhow I say all this to offer an explanation about how my live blogging went to ish. Then right after he left, the girls started to call about what the plan of action is for tonight.
10:35-I'm off to Sanaea's to meet up for some late dinner and drinks.
Ciao!
Obviously it is unusal for me to be in such a place on such a prime outing night however circumstances (a hair appt) required that I kill some time before meeting up with my peeps for a night out lite on the town-I'm still getting over a cold of course.
But the reason I decided to live blog, all the while earning my retained fees, is because about 10 minutes ago a couple walked in, and I am now bearing witness to the WORST 1st date/meeting that has ever taken place in the history of the world.
These two met online, apparently her main picutre is all oily skinned looking, and she looks pale and white. Apprently in real life she is far more beautiful then her pictures lead on, also she looks spanish, or exotic in real life, what with her dark skin (she is not dark, she is a white girl). I know these things because the guy she is meeting is incredibly loud, and an ASSHOLE. In the first 3 minutes of them walking in I heard him commenting/complaining about how far he has driven to meet this girl-apparently over an hour. And her initial reaction was less then enthused, which made him feel like she was disappointed and that he wasn't her type which made him sad because she is his type, and he has driven far to see her, and does she think he is fat? No really? Tell me honestly-do you think i'm fat, b/c you know how you don't always know what you look like until someone else tells you honestly, so honestly would you say i'm fat/chubby/out of shape for a guy? I mean i'm not running or exercising as much as I used to b/c you know i'm in law school and i'm busy, but like I was thinner, and i'm losing weight, do you think I would be more your type if I lost more weight? She mumbles three words. Then he launches off about why he went to law school-b/c all the lawyers he used to get his daughter back weren't really helpful-so really you think i'm overweight and you're not attracted to me.....
This goes on, and on, and on. More about him. More about his insecurity re: weight, more, more, more. I just want to rescue her. I don't know her. Probably wouldn't even like her if i knew her personally, but seriously this date/meeting is painful!!
9:52-he brought a change of clothes they are in the car, does she want him to change, b/c he can. What was your last relationship like?
9:54 And now they are leaving, and she looks at me plaintiffly. Maybe I would like her in real life. I smile a knowing, yet empathetic smile. That was brutal hopefully she is finding a way to wrap it up and not going with him to the next location. Poor woman.
Gosh, I wish they didn't leave. Now I have to go back to working.
Anyway so my Month O' Travel is not going to happen. My sister volunteered to go with me. And then the next morning after thinking about it she recalled that she is buying a house, trying to pay off bills, and need not embark on a month of frivolous spending. As she ticked off all the obligations she needs to pay, I recalled that I have the same bills to pay and need to save/slow down just as much. So the Month O' Travel is dead. Instead I think I'll blow some money taking my sister on a surprise local get-a-way.
9:59-This really clean 6-series BMW drop top on exaggerated rims pulls into the parking lot with two black dudes, one of whom is wearing sunglasses atop his head (why?). They exit the vehicle and walk towards an old Honda Civic two door with these two waiting non black chicks. Both of whom exit the vehicle to allow the dudes into the back seat. WTH?? If we're going to sit in a car, in a parking lot, I'm sitting in the BMW, not the Honda! Also, seriously, what are they doing? Blowjobs? Drug deal? double date? So many questions.
10:09-black guy with dumb sunglasses comes into coffee bean, apparently to make a phone call and/or purchase a beverage.
10:11-Sunglasses attempts to get into my line of sight under guise of toying with phone, waiting on drink. I ignore knowing that he purchased nothing, and is an idiot.
10:13-Sunglasses buys a hot chocolate-just say you're gay.
Ok so the timeline gets screwed up here, b/c my ex-bf Jovon shows up to say hello to me and introduce me to his new artist that he is managing Bluu.
Just before Jov shows up, the other black guy gets out of the Honda with an envelope, and he and one of the girls go into the trunk for something. The Jov appears in my line of vision and I almost don't recognize him because he is so skinny. Bastard. We chat, he states that I am lovely etc. I don't say that this is the first time i've seen him since May, and so don't start with me about how you miss me, care for me, i smell good etc, bull-ish. But he reads between the lines, b/c he knows me well and makes his guilty face. He also tells me that he finally put his free-loading perpetual child roommate/son out of his apartment yesterday. Huh, ain't that sumthin.
So anyhow I say all this to offer an explanation about how my live blogging went to ish. Then right after he left, the girls started to call about what the plan of action is for tonight.
10:35-I'm off to Sanaea's to meet up for some late dinner and drinks.
Ciao!
Thursday, August 13, 2009
That lull...
Ok I am mad that someone said on facebook today that with the weather being overcast today that they guess that its the end of summer dresses for them. The audacity to presume that the end of summer occured in LA on August 13th. WHAT??!! How dare you, shut your mouth. The summer in LA is perpetual, aside for which thus far I feel like its been pretty mundane and I refuse to acknolwedge that it might be even remotely near its conclusion.
First, let me start by saying that the beginning of this summer had some amazing perks. First, there was the San Diego trip where I got to spend time with my old law school roommate and BFF Trenya. THEN there was the always random but consistently awesome partying with my Ace Sanaea. THEN my sister from another mother Stacee blew into town for a few weeks for work. Followed by a surprise dinner visit with my high school road dog, Candice. THEN, I went to Essence with my heart JAC who I hadn't seen in a year and a wide array of trials and tribulations. THEN after that my right hand woman and conscience, Krysanthemum got into town from Texas.
All of the bumping into my past and present made me remember and realize that I have an awesome network of girlfriends. There have been various periods of my life where I have felt alone, or disillusioned, or whatever, but all these visits made me remember that I have never been alone. Stacee has been riding with me since 4th grade, Candace since 8th, despite the length of time between talking to either of these two, we always pick right up from where we left off, the bond is that deep. I've known Krysti since 10th grade and we've been in contact consistently through every up and down since then. Trenya was with me during my first love, first heartbreak, and the ego killer that is law school. JAC's support, listening ear, and dancing feet got me through what I like to call the redemption phase of my life. Sanaea started out as a party companion/co-worker a couple years ago but since then has become a true friend and most importantly a psuedo boyfriend :).
The only other person I haven't seen is Jai. Jai is not only my party partner, travel buddy, and cousin, she is my longest phone conversations, and my toe-toe to verbal sparring partner, we've fallen out more times then I can remember, but we always come back like we never left. Also she is a nut and cracks me up. That's the other running thread through these ladies, they are hilarious. And if laughter is any sort of cure all, this summer has been redeeming for your girl. Then a couple weeks ago, I got news that Jai is moving back to Cali from DC and Stacee is coming back to SoCal from NorCal. WHAT??!! So in this one summer I will have seen all the women that have played, and are continuing to play crucial roles in my life. Whatever the reasons for their visits I am happy and appreciative for the happenstances that brought all these women into my life even if only briefly over these past few months.
So now I am going to totally contradict myself-I feel a life lull. At first it was really enjoyable, nice and peaceful. Kind of relaxing to have no real stressors, or nothing exciting going on. Just working, going out, hanging out, worshiping my God, basically chillin. And now I'm still chillin. No one trying to woo me, or confuse me. Really my phone barely rings, I go out with my girls to the same or similar places, I'm regularly dumb fly and that's about it. I know its a good thing. I know I should be grateful for the peace and quiet in my life, but to be frank it's a bit boring at this point. I'm waiting for something to happen, the other shoe to drop, a new love interest (I also met a boy this summer that I thought might be perfect for me...turns out he doesn't like me!? Can you believe that? How dare he not be interested in moi!), a new something. But i'm being careful what I wish for, while the idea of something exciting is alluring, the reality is I'm enjoying the lack of complication in my life. Things are good, so I'm just going to be quiet and enjoy it.
I do have one plan up my sleeve...The Jetblue all you can travel pass!! I am soooo most likely going to do this. I just need to map out when and where. Currently I'm thinking: Vegas for weekend 1, for #2 DC, #3 maybe Chicago, and for the final trip maybe a three day wknd in Puerto Rico. My friends are suggesting that its too much, that I won't make it through the month...Ha! I aim to prove them wrong...I think. Perhaps. :)
So yeah that's my current life, folks. Missed ya'll!
First, let me start by saying that the beginning of this summer had some amazing perks. First, there was the San Diego trip where I got to spend time with my old law school roommate and BFF Trenya. THEN there was the always random but consistently awesome partying with my Ace Sanaea. THEN my sister from another mother Stacee blew into town for a few weeks for work. Followed by a surprise dinner visit with my high school road dog, Candice. THEN, I went to Essence with my heart JAC who I hadn't seen in a year and a wide array of trials and tribulations. THEN after that my right hand woman and conscience, Krysanthemum got into town from Texas.
All of the bumping into my past and present made me remember and realize that I have an awesome network of girlfriends. There have been various periods of my life where I have felt alone, or disillusioned, or whatever, but all these visits made me remember that I have never been alone. Stacee has been riding with me since 4th grade, Candace since 8th, despite the length of time between talking to either of these two, we always pick right up from where we left off, the bond is that deep. I've known Krysti since 10th grade and we've been in contact consistently through every up and down since then. Trenya was with me during my first love, first heartbreak, and the ego killer that is law school. JAC's support, listening ear, and dancing feet got me through what I like to call the redemption phase of my life. Sanaea started out as a party companion/co-worker a couple years ago but since then has become a true friend and most importantly a psuedo boyfriend :).
The only other person I haven't seen is Jai. Jai is not only my party partner, travel buddy, and cousin, she is my longest phone conversations, and my toe-toe to verbal sparring partner, we've fallen out more times then I can remember, but we always come back like we never left. Also she is a nut and cracks me up. That's the other running thread through these ladies, they are hilarious. And if laughter is any sort of cure all, this summer has been redeeming for your girl. Then a couple weeks ago, I got news that Jai is moving back to Cali from DC and Stacee is coming back to SoCal from NorCal. WHAT??!! So in this one summer I will have seen all the women that have played, and are continuing to play crucial roles in my life. Whatever the reasons for their visits I am happy and appreciative for the happenstances that brought all these women into my life even if only briefly over these past few months.
So now I am going to totally contradict myself-I feel a life lull. At first it was really enjoyable, nice and peaceful. Kind of relaxing to have no real stressors, or nothing exciting going on. Just working, going out, hanging out, worshiping my God, basically chillin. And now I'm still chillin. No one trying to woo me, or confuse me. Really my phone barely rings, I go out with my girls to the same or similar places, I'm regularly dumb fly and that's about it. I know its a good thing. I know I should be grateful for the peace and quiet in my life, but to be frank it's a bit boring at this point. I'm waiting for something to happen, the other shoe to drop, a new love interest (I also met a boy this summer that I thought might be perfect for me...turns out he doesn't like me!? Can you believe that? How dare he not be interested in moi!), a new something. But i'm being careful what I wish for, while the idea of something exciting is alluring, the reality is I'm enjoying the lack of complication in my life. Things are good, so I'm just going to be quiet and enjoy it.
I do have one plan up my sleeve...The Jetblue all you can travel pass!! I am soooo most likely going to do this. I just need to map out when and where. Currently I'm thinking: Vegas for weekend 1, for #2 DC, #3 maybe Chicago, and for the final trip maybe a three day wknd in Puerto Rico. My friends are suggesting that its too much, that I won't make it through the month...Ha! I aim to prove them wrong...I think. Perhaps. :)
So yeah that's my current life, folks. Missed ya'll!
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Summer...
Because it didn't feel right going in the other post...
Summer is basically here. How do I know?
I've started my cocoa butter regimen to erase winter's bumps and bruises from my legs.
I've begun summer dress shopping and wearing in earnest.
The Honey party series at the standard rooftop starts this Saturday.
I've bought my hair and have an appointment to have my weave put in.
And I've been working out. Which always means that hot weather is coming.
Needless to say, its officially summer in the city. Yippee!
I have been uncharacteristically insecure about my weight lately. and i'm not sure how to knock it off. Typically i am comfortable in my own skin and years ago learned that I actually like my body, I like my big butt, my tree trunk thighs, ample bossom, and even my rolly-polly midsection (ok actually I loathe that part, but its mine so i'll take it). After a lifetime of needing the validation of other people (men) to believe that I was fine, some time ago I got over it, determined within myself that I was lovely with or without validation. Incidently that confidence somehow made me even more attractive (as difficult as a feat as that may be...how does one improve upon perfection-hehehe). But lately, i've been in doubt. A few unintentionally hurtful comments, some not even really hurtful until compunded by the rest, including one from the last person to see me naked and voila i'm back living in insecure city. Actually that's not true, i'm not living there, just staying in a crappy hotel there. it's a passing thing, I know it is. But still. When do I get all the way secure? I think Oprah said it happens in the 40s, maybe 50s.
I'll get my swag back. I ain't gone let these folks worry me, as my mom would say.
I've got big plans for this summer, possibly too big...June I want to go to Dallas to see Krys. July EMF with JAC. And then sometime between August and December I want to spend a week with my mom and a week lying on a beach in the caribean. Also I just started my new job in April :) I'm wondering if all my travels might not be a bit too ambitious.
Nonetheless I am hype for the upcoming months...
Summer is basically here. How do I know?
I've started my cocoa butter regimen to erase winter's bumps and bruises from my legs.
I've begun summer dress shopping and wearing in earnest.
The Honey party series at the standard rooftop starts this Saturday.
I've bought my hair and have an appointment to have my weave put in.
And I've been working out. Which always means that hot weather is coming.
Needless to say, its officially summer in the city. Yippee!
I have been uncharacteristically insecure about my weight lately. and i'm not sure how to knock it off. Typically i am comfortable in my own skin and years ago learned that I actually like my body, I like my big butt, my tree trunk thighs, ample bossom, and even my rolly-polly midsection (ok actually I loathe that part, but its mine so i'll take it). After a lifetime of needing the validation of other people (men) to believe that I was fine, some time ago I got over it, determined within myself that I was lovely with or without validation. Incidently that confidence somehow made me even more attractive (as difficult as a feat as that may be...how does one improve upon perfection-hehehe). But lately, i've been in doubt. A few unintentionally hurtful comments, some not even really hurtful until compunded by the rest, including one from the last person to see me naked and voila i'm back living in insecure city. Actually that's not true, i'm not living there, just staying in a crappy hotel there. it's a passing thing, I know it is. But still. When do I get all the way secure? I think Oprah said it happens in the 40s, maybe 50s.
I'll get my swag back. I ain't gone let these folks worry me, as my mom would say.
I've got big plans for this summer, possibly too big...June I want to go to Dallas to see Krys. July EMF with JAC. And then sometime between August and December I want to spend a week with my mom and a week lying on a beach in the caribean. Also I just started my new job in April :) I'm wondering if all my travels might not be a bit too ambitious.
Nonetheless I am hype for the upcoming months...
23,000...
My great uncle passed a couple weeks ago and the memorial service was finally on Saturday. He was 80 years old, married for 47 to his lovely Nadine who he fiercely protected and cared for.
I didn't find out until he passed that he was the reason that my mother married my step-father. Her husband, my father, had been running around with his "girlfriend" and other baby-momma and basically continuing his 3-5 year assault on my mother's emotional health. When she was presented with interest from my step-father. She called my great uncle Sonny, and cried about how she loved my dad, he was the one, why couldn't he just act right, blah, blah, blah. Sonny said, "you need to get over it. That man (his nephew) does not love you. You are two young to wait on him, since he may never ever act right. You have a man that wants to be with you, that wants to raise your children, and to be the spiritual head of your family, pull it together and let that man love you." She paraphrased but said that it was the most hurtful, direct, helpful and wise advice she had recieved throughout her whole ordeal with my dad. It worked and at least in part b/c of that conversation, my mother managed to get over my dad and wound up in a loving happy relationship.
The brother giving the talk at my Uncle's memorial brought up something that has since stuck with me. The average life span is about 23,000 days (63 years old). He compared it to having $23,000, how would you spend that money? Would you frivilously spend it, on the hot item of the moment, would you hoarde it all and save it for a rainy day? Or would you invest it and let your money make money? Relating it back to our lives do we spend our limited amount of time on frivilous pursuits? Are we simply allowing the time to pass us, or are we doing things now to ensure us an everlasting future? I think that resonated with me b/c 23,000 is such a relatively small number. I always tell myself that I have time to pull it together, but I'm already nearing the halfway point, I'm at 10,220!! What have I been doing with my days?
I didn't find out until he passed that he was the reason that my mother married my step-father. Her husband, my father, had been running around with his "girlfriend" and other baby-momma and basically continuing his 3-5 year assault on my mother's emotional health. When she was presented with interest from my step-father. She called my great uncle Sonny, and cried about how she loved my dad, he was the one, why couldn't he just act right, blah, blah, blah. Sonny said, "you need to get over it. That man (his nephew) does not love you. You are two young to wait on him, since he may never ever act right. You have a man that wants to be with you, that wants to raise your children, and to be the spiritual head of your family, pull it together and let that man love you." She paraphrased but said that it was the most hurtful, direct, helpful and wise advice she had recieved throughout her whole ordeal with my dad. It worked and at least in part b/c of that conversation, my mother managed to get over my dad and wound up in a loving happy relationship.
The brother giving the talk at my Uncle's memorial brought up something that has since stuck with me. The average life span is about 23,000 days (63 years old). He compared it to having $23,000, how would you spend that money? Would you frivilously spend it, on the hot item of the moment, would you hoarde it all and save it for a rainy day? Or would you invest it and let your money make money? Relating it back to our lives do we spend our limited amount of time on frivilous pursuits? Are we simply allowing the time to pass us, or are we doing things now to ensure us an everlasting future? I think that resonated with me b/c 23,000 is such a relatively small number. I always tell myself that I have time to pull it together, but I'm already nearing the halfway point, I'm at 10,220!! What have I been doing with my days?
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