So much....

Topic 1:

I don't think that I can say anything that hasn't been said about what a moment in history this is for our people, this nation, etc. But I think that the one common sentiment is that it is a moving moment. I'm not sure what it means for race relations in this country, to some extent I fear that it means little to nothing. But it seems to me that on November 4, 2008 it meant that the vast majority of people in this country were indifferent to the fact that Barack is a black man. And that's not to say that those that didn't vote for him did so because he is black, to me it just means that most people in this country are completely ok with a black man being the most powerful person in the world.
I have never thought that all white people are racist, my life experience doesn't lend itself to that hypothesis. I have had far to many white best friends, mentors, teachers and professors, etc...to believe that they are all a bunch of hate mongering people. However I'm ashamed to say that for the average white person I encounter I don't put racism past them, especially if I happen to be in a "red state"/bible belt state/south of the Mason-Dixon. So the chip that I carry on my shoulder as soon as I step foot into one of these states may have been an unecessary burden all this time. Who knew? Who knows?
Whatever anyone's feelings on race may be, yesterday I was moved.

Topic 2:

Have you ever been privy to someones life, not close enough that you are involved directly-but close enough that you can't ignore what you are witnessing...and that life that you happen to be witnessing is a series of bad decision-making, and horrible circumstances after another?
I have these neighbors, who I admittedly have been plotting ways to get them as far away from me and my neighborhood as possible for some time now. Since their arrival its been nothing but a parade of social workers, police officers, screaming, fighting, doors slamming, children seemingly left to their own devices, front yard barbques and patio furniture, and a toodler that flees out of his house over to mine every chance he gets...basically its been a mess. As much as they drive me nuts, ruin property value on the street, and make me sad that they are the other black family on the street, my heart goes out to their children-who have no choice about how they are being raised, or the craziness of their parents.
They have a 17 year old daughter, that has had some difficulty in the past (how could she not have) but is now back living with them and back in school, etc. Every now and again she has a screaming fight with her father, but she has remained at the house for a few months. Recently her boyfriend moved into the house. I have never known or heard anyone use the F word more often, more ineffectually, or in lieu of simple words like this "man". Basically he talks to her like she is 1) dumb, 2) his child/property and/or 3) sub-human. I've only heard her argue back to him on a couple occassions and it usually results in his louder usage of the F word. The other day the mother of the house spoke to me to apologize about all the noise (they are so loud its like I live with them-aka my personal nightmare) and explained that she has told her daughter on several occassions to be more respectful to her boyfriend, that she shouldn't disrespect him. Because he is trying to help her by telling her how she should dress, and behave and if she would just listen they wouldn't have problems.

I wanted to cry on the spot. If this is what your mother is telling you, what is your sense of personal value like? How much self respect do you have? What limits for the way you will be treated have you set?

I've been trying to find an appropriate moment to run into the girl to tell her that this is not behavior that she should have to tolerate at 17, or ever! She isn't married to him, he doesn't support her, they don't have kids, there is nothing to tie her to him, and she is worth more then the way he treats her. I feel compelled to express this to her, I don't think anyone has ever told her. But I'm also petrified of the effect of my apparent befriending of her might be...their lives are far too dramatic for me, but how does one get only half way involved?

The girl and her father had a serious screaming match tonight, he put out her boyfriend yesterday, and a few minutes later I saw her stomping down the street with her suitcase, to God only knows where....I wish I would've had the presence of mind to offer her a ride at the time.

I so fear for the young women of this generation, from the neighbor, to the little girls my brothers date, the language and manner of speech they tolerate from these boys is freightening/maddening/infuriating. Then Soulja Boy speaks and I'm not sure if I shouldn't be more worried about the boys.

Topic 3:

So I'm on my "men are the bane of my existence" campaign right now, but I had lunch with a guy friend today that made me have a little more faith in his gender. Granted his explanation of male behavior was contingent on them being thinking, rational beings, so clearly his thesis was flawed from there. :) But it did settle down my venom somewhat, he reminded me that you aren't all bad. He did point out however that all the ones I deal with are in fact bad...so you know that was an insightful new novel theory.

Topic 4:

I have 'happened' upon some free internet music, including Beyonce's album, but my stupid old computer can't burn the freaking disc....I cannot express what a tease this is. I can listen to it on my computer only!!!!! Not the car, not loud enough for the house, only while sitting on my lap as I work. Some might say that is what I get for 'happening' upon such free internet music...to those some I roll my eyes!