The interim...

Ok so 2010 is now over.

How was my year in retrospect? It was great! It was cool.Parts of it really sucked. I think that about covers it.

I was finally able to cast a poisonous love out of my life. I finally got some control and stability in my work life. I started on a path to get myself healthy and fit. Far and away 2010 Q4 was the best. Q1 was the most difficult to get through, in Q2 I chopped off my hair, and in Q3 things began to look up.

Everything is a lesson, and truly I am a fortunate girl. I am looking forward to what the future has in store.

I went to a lovely brunch organized by my favorite couple, who are newly engaged. I have told the Mr. before that I love he and his friends because they are so demonstrative in their relationships. They go places with their women, they claim them even when they aren't around, they display their attraction and affection for them in mixed company. It really is a lovely sight to see in a city where it seems that no man is actually in a relationship, plenty of women are but it often seems the men are unaware of this monogamous coupling.

Then comes the brunch. Gorgeous location, beautiful, smart black people, and couples...so many couples. There were maybe 5 or 6 singles there out of the 36-38ppl in attendance. Its one thing to see or know of couples that you shake your head at "he is terrible to her", "she is a complete anal nag", "I saw him flirting with some other hot young thing the other day" etc. Its another to see couples with men that clearly love the women they are with, that are proud to be near to them, women who are comfortable in their own skin, and in healthy relationships. It was lovely.

And it also made me sick.

Not in a hateful way, but just in a dumbstruck way. There are many couples that I would never in a million years want the man involved. It could be looks, or personality, but for whatever reason I wouldn't want that man within 10 feet of me for any reason. The brunch did not contain these men. Obviously this was a mere 3 hour snippet of an introduction, but seriously I looked around the tables and I can honestly say there was not an ugly man there, some more attractive then others of course, but all essentially handsome, some even strikingly so. They were funny, charismatic, able to participate in conversation with ppl they didn't know, generally pleasant to be in the company of. Nearly all of them an individual that I would gladly date.

That did quite the number on me. The fact that there are all these date-able men in existence. Part of my "Jenn its ok that you only go on one date per year and are more single than a pedophile at a cougar convention" anti depression, pro sanity campaign is to remind myself that there are no date-able men anywhere. I don't know any legitimate bachelors, and by legitimate I mean men that I would actually date or are within my eligible bachelor parameters, or men worth dating which justifies my life sans dates. To meet a room full of men that I would date in a heartbeat, some of whom I would literally bump off their SO to do so (No Snitchin') was in total contradiction to the bill of goods I've sold myself.

So now what.

Yeah I don't know. Short of kidnapping baby boy with the giant extremely well defined backs girlfriend, which did cross my mind after he hugged me goodbye, why did he do that? I think I inadvertently held on a bit too long-uhh thats what you get when you put a back like that into my sexually frustrated hands. I'm pretty sure I need to just get back on my "it is what it is" mantra.

Sometimes I do feel the need to give myself a reason for my singlehood, lest the I'm not good enough demons get to me. They can get to a sista, if I'm not careful. Its not that I am not patient, but work doesn't fill me up like it used to, going out doesn't move me like it once did. Which leaves me with the conundrum of what to do in the interim...I guess I'll just live like its golden and see what happens.