What had happened was...

So our relationship has been storied to say the least. He in the past has had a tendency to just drop off the earth, stop calling, stop responding etc.

So when we went out two Saturdays ago for dinner and Avatar, and he sat across the table from me grinning like the cat that ate the canary I was actually very innocently asking what was new with him. I knew that he had quit or was on leave from his job, he left at like 1130am on a Wed...this man will go and stay at work while sick as a dog...he only "leaves" early if he is in fact LEAVING. But I know he likes to talk about these things in his own time, so I gave him a couple days and politely asked on Sat, if anything was new with him. He joking said no, everything was still exactly the same...we laughed about this obvious lie. And a few moments later he said, "I think I'm going to move to Atlanta". I laughed. He didn't. I stared at him, still with the big smile.
When?
A week from Monday?
Why?
I need a change, I need to do something different, I want to be in a new place...
Oh. And you're not kidding right?
No, I'm going. But it'll only be for about 6 months. I'm waiting for you to get mad at me.
No, not mad. I will always be supportive of things you think will better you. Nevertheless, I don't want to talk about this anymore, lets talk about something else.

We talked for a few moments about happier things, and then randomly my eyes welled up and suddenly my face was wet, I got up, regrouped, apologized, picked at my food and went to see Avatar.

The thing that I kept thinking about while he talked about the move was when my cousin went to teach english in Japan shortly after falling in love with a new man. The trip was planned long before his arrival in her life, but it hurt them both like hell when she was preparing to leave and the 4 months or so that she was gone. The bad part, and what bothered me about him was that he went out of his way to make her feel bad about continuing the decision to leave. As if this new and budding relationship warranted her giving up on the experience of a lifetime.

I didn't want to be him. I wanted to be supportive of what he thought was best for his life. Because as I repeated to myself over and over-he wasn't my husband, he is my boyfriend, and its not fair to ask or expect ppl to make life decisions based solely on that relationship. While we've been dealing with one another for over 3 years, we've only managed to be consistent for the past 6mos or so. That position doesn't qualify me to make mandates on his life decisions.

So we didn't talk about it anymore. It was an awkward night to say the least. The next day we spoke in more depth about his motivations and thought process behind the move. Basically he wants to get his spiritual life together, he wants to get some independence from his family, he wants to get some "distance so he can get some discipline". Later, I sent him an exhaustive email about all the reasons why I was outwardly upset by this announcement. 1. Every time we start going good, something happens. 2. I'm a pessimist, he says 6 months but I think he is going to go there and stay forever. 3. While I support his 'come to Jesus' but religion is already the one "thing" between us, so it sounds like the final nail in the coffin of our relationship. 4. I think he is going to move there and find some great church girl and that he should pursue her and live happily ever after (one of us should get married). 5. I think 6mos will keep getting delayed and pushed back until its a year and some change. 6. And finally how much the distance is going to suck.

He comes over. Pulls up my email and allays each of my concerns one by one.

Ok I can do this. I committed to 6 mos, I'll see him probably in like 3mos time when I go to ATL to see my parents, and then 3 mos later he'll be home. Ok that is doable.

He doesn't want a ride to the airport, he doesn't want his last sight of me to be all tears and sadness. I get that. I just asked for a call when he arrives. Let me know he made it. He mentioned in that final conversation that he was going to be most likely unavailable by phone when he first gets there. I understood that, getting acclimated to the time difference, trying to find your way around etc, all takes time, and letting me know ahead of time that you are going to be less available then normal is perfectly legitimate and a good way of covering yourself from hearing my mouth.

So he flies out (allegedly). I hear nothing about arrival, after a couple texts I finally call his new cell phone, no answer and the voicemail is a Christina. Hmmm. He literally (allegedly) had gotten the phone hooked up on Tmobile the previous day, and I spoke to him on it after he got it hooked up. So is the chick just the leftover voicemail from the previous owner of that number...or....? And just as I am firing off an email to you, you text and say you can't talk and won't be able to talk to me for about three weeks, but you need me to be strong and focused and that he has to get better.
What.

What are you talking about? What are you going through? Are you in rehab? Jail?

I refuse to dwell on the mysteriousness of it all. Especially not for 3 weeks. It just makes me mad and who needs that. Besides, its too early to freak completely out. I plan to get a full accounting whenever it is that I see hear from him. I want flight confirmations, rental agreements, etc. There is this place in the back of my head that says that I will never see him again, that this was some elaborate rouse to make me believe he left b/c he couldn't tell me that he simply didn't want to deal with me anymore.

I only like mysteries in a book.