The Proclamation...

Last night Jilly from Philly and Maxwell came to town. As expected the show was amazing. Jill has been singing my life for years, remembrances of all the ups and downs of various relationships can be directly correlated to Jilly's albums and songs. And Maxwell, well his albums have provided the soundtrack for many an evening, breakup, sad time, happy time etc.

Despite being well aware of the memories attached to the music I was still somehow surprised by how I felt during/after the concert. Granted, I loved the music, the performances-wonderful, their voices-stunning. But jeez did it remind me that I am alone, alone, alone. When Jill asked if there were any lovers in the audience, I was quiet, when Maxwell asked if people were going to be making love tonight, I was silent. Basically the entire evening impressed upon me that I was without a date, without someone to go home to, and without someone to love.

I mean it wasn't that sad, but it was pretty brutal, as I look around at all the couples hugged up all around me. It didn't depress me, I'm not on the verge of suicide or anything. But it did make me question why I attend these concerts. I love both of these artists, I've seen them live multiple times in different venues, know all the words to all the songs, have live albums, unplugged albums, all of that. So what need do I have to go to these shows? This isn't like Beyonce, where i am going to get 5 outfit changes, dancers, the new hot radio song tie-ins, fireworks on stage etc. These are two adult, contemporary, crooners. Maxwell dances, but not like Beyonce dances, and Jill does her little silly dancing and what not, but with them the focus is on their pitch perfect vocals and making you feel the love. They play at these enormous stadiums due to the clamoring of their fans, but really theirs are performances built for small, intimate venues.

So I made a decision-unless Maxwell and Jilly, and artists of their ilk-Brian McKnight, Sade (although she has been gone for a long time and I've never seen her live, she might get an exception)-are playing at an intimate venue, I am going to skip seeing them the next time they are in town. I don't need a $100, 3 hour reminder that I am not booed up. I love the music, I love the performances I just think that I would love them so much more if I could share the experience with a man.

Clearly if 3 years from now, I'm still single and Maxwell has finally released the full trilogy and Jilly has new music out, I'm sure I will have forgotten about this and be one of the first to cop my ticket. But for a little while I just keep hearing my mothers words, when chastising my sister and I for watching some movie that alluded to a couple having sex "I don't know why ya'll are sitting up in here watching this torturing yourselves." She meant that since we aren't married, we can't/shouldn't/don't have sex so why torture ourselves by watching others do things that we can't do. Basically like taking someone on a fast to their favorite restaurant and eating in front of them. That was what I felt like on Sat. that I was torturing myself, needlessly.

I feel so dramatic making this proclamation of sorts, but I genuinely didn't feel good at the concert. And I have no one to blame for that, that is just the current situation...one I won't be putting myself in again anytime soon.

So its small venues, hip hop shows, jazz bands, etc for me for a little while. And that is perfectly fine by me.

Question I hate...

I sent this email to my girls yesterday:

I am getting so sick of the question: "so you're a great girl, funny, pretty, smart, you know sports, you're a lawyer, why are you single?" I swear i am going to come up with a answer that evokes shame, shock, or horror from the person that next asks me that.

Something like: well, i don't like to tell ppl but....i'm a hermaphrodite, it is my secret shame. And interestingly men don't like he/she's with partial penises.

or

I'm into hardcore S&M and its hard to find a man that is into the same catastrophic ball crushing that i am into.

or

I'm racist against all races so I'm really looking for an Albino, and as you can imagine, they are hard to find here in LA with all the excessive sun and all.

or

I'm planning on becoming morbidly obese in the next 5-10 years so i need a chubby chaser, but I'm currently not big enough for that crowd yet, so i'm working on it.


Any other suggestions that I can shock and awe ppl who ask me that dumb question?

The responses:
I'm a carpet muncher, but I hate women so that makes it tough for me to find a mate.

I'm into beastiality.

I like men with stumps, amputees really do it for me, but surprisingly low amount of them walking around.

I'm into guys with really hairy backs, no, I mean really hairy backs!! But sadly the Armenian guys just don't seem to dig me.

I'm a nympho and no one man alone can keep up. (or conversely, I hate sex, worst thing ever)

If you have any suggestions of how I can shock and awe stupid ppl that ask me this question please feel free to leave them in the comments.
I have the herp.