Lunch!

I've been talking to this man, he's been saying what I like and
he makes me smile when I'm down, so-oo down.
He says sweet things in my ear, all the things that I need to hear.
But that's as far as its gone I promise, I promise.
But I enjoy it, I love it so...

Oh little D. We dated for a minute years ago, and he was great. But I couldn't get over the occasionally gay things he would do or wear. I need excessive outward displays of machismo, I can't take the "I spent 20 minutes coordinating this hat, jacket, shoe combo. And I would have been more then happy to put something together for you as well." You know those dudes that you feel like you have to dress for? Not be cute for, but actually wear the name brand stuff or never repeat outfits b/c you know that while he is looking at T&A he is also acutely aware that those shoes were from 3 seasons ago?

D is/was one of those. So when he told me he loved me years ago I couldn't say it back. And he knew that and he was ok with it and was willing to wait for me to feel it. I can't recall exactly how it ended, I think I met Jov somewhere in there, and well-he had been shot 6 times and the only brand he could talk about intelligently was Nike. Uber Alpha Male.

We both saw other ppl, he started dating another young lady with my name. And she is so opposite of me, it makes me wonder how a man could want both of us. D is a southern man, and a large part of my fan base are southern men because I have a certain asset that they value down there in the south: Thickness.

She got a donk, she got a donk, she gotta a donk, she gotta donk, shake sumtin'

And a bra size with more letter D's then numbers. Which per him are his two favorite things in life. So then pre tell why is the new Jennwill flat chested and infected with noassatall disease? Oh, and she is mexican. She is really cute, very nice, and seems to make him happy. But how can you have been in love with both Serena Williams and Zoe Saldana (both references are compliments to the bodies of both she and I and used for effect but you get the point)?

Anyhow he has made a reappearance in my life and we have been having lunch. I told him I love and hate the lunches. They are great fun, we've always had a great time together, he is so gentlemanly and bossy, he has picked some wonderful restaurants, and he makes me feel gorgeous, he is so attentive, its all been...perfect. But then I go back to my manless life and wonder if I let one get away? Should I have just been secure since he was so secure in his manhood? Could he have been the one, and now I missed my happily ever after? So on and so on and so on.

The main issue is, I don't want to disrespect or do anything that I wouldn't want my man doing with one of his 'friends' at lunch. And that is my greatest concern. I think its easy for both he and I to fantasize about how wonderful our time together was, making it this thing that it wasn't since it is currently out of reach. I told my book club about the situation and they suspect that he is testing the waters, to try to see what I'm willing to do-help him cheat or be the replacement to the current Jenn. I am willing to do neither and won't even entertain any of such a discussion. But I do recognize that our lunches need to be dialed back to once every other month, instead of the current twice a month program we are on. Why do we need to spend so much time together? I mentioned to him that its like taking a child to a toy store allowing them to play with their favorite toy for an hour and then snatching the toy away and escorting them swiftly out of the store-twice a month.

I enjoy his company, love to be treated well but the trying to mind my p's and q's while he seems to be purposefully pushing my "I can't control the words coming out of my mouth" buttons is more then your girl can bear.