On the train...

Medicine is a wonderful and scary thing. I have had migraines since I was two so over the years I've tried what seems like every painkiller known to mankind. In more recent years they have developed migraine specific meds and while effective the side effects are a trip. When I took it last night the pain and symptoms went away and I felt much better, happy and alert despite it being after midnight. However the next day side effect is that I will be inexplicably meloncholy-pain free but sad. Its crazy to me that meds can have that kind of effect on mood, state of mind. I recognize that there are many who utilize mood altering drugs to their benefit it just seems like some advanced technology from a Jetsons type world.
To some extent it makes me understand addiction (I saw a stage play based on the life of Ray Charles this wknd, and Mario's new video about his mothers addiction yesterday-so addiction has been on my mind). I can understand the attraction to consistent "happiness", carefree despite whatever the reality of your world is. But I don't think that the feeling lasts-i think the initial "happiness" ppl experience is what they are consistently striving to get back to-maybe its just the ability to enter the altered reality and "get away" for at least a limited time.
I just don't think the gap between perscription dependant individuals and illegal substance abusers is that wide. Both are using a chemical substance to alter what they naturally are-be it bi-polar, depressed, stressed,etc....

I'm returning to this topic on my train ride home, the previous was written on my way to work. I'm listening to Damien Rice's "The Blowers Daughter" and I can't concentrate on the previous topic. This song...I can't even explain what it is about the song that gets me...likely its the connection to the movie "Closer"...but even without that I think this song is so beautiful-although honestly I only know what he's talking about for parts of the song-he can't take his eyes off someone, who it seems like he might be breaking up with, and she may or may not be the blower's daughter. Lol.

My other favorite movie song "You made a fool of me" by Me'shell N'dgeochello from "Love & Basketball". That song gets me, esp when combined with that scene! Sheesh that was deep!

To be honest I just love meloncholy music. I love it when I feel an artist's pain, when I can hear in their voice their passion, angst, anger etc...Music is so powerful.

Alright that's all the nonsense I got for ya'll right now :)

Sam Cooke said...

Its one of those periods in my life where the familiar and old are having a renaissance. The status quo has changed, and while I'm not mad about it, its just something new to adjust to.

Work is super slow. I hate that, b/c since I have to account for all the time in my day, when I'm at work and not actually billing-I'm irritated that I have to be there-b/c if I'm not billing I could just as easily be shooting the ish at the house!

At a hotel in Oakland I saw Pat Riley and Shaq. Apparently the Heat were staying in my hotel. For like 2 seconds a rush of groupieness came over me..."What do I need to do to get the attention of a basketball player, right now in this hotel restaurant?" Then I remembered that I think professional athletes are whores and petri dishes of undiscovered infections, bacteria and disease. And with that the groupiness subsided. But what is it about a financially secure/rich man that is so attractive? Is it the swagger that money gives them? But all groupie predilection aside I've always had a crush on Mr. Riley (Pat, NOT Teddy), there is something about that white man...

Speaking of white men, each time I have a negative experience with the brothas I threaten to go white, (even though pink meat scares me) so I re-watched "Something New" to take notes on all the tips for being adored by a big backed white boy. Here is another question I have about this movie and others of its ilk, are black women the world over just that similar or is someone eavesdropping on me and my friends and basing characters in major motion pictures on our comments during conversations?? Every time I watch one of these upwardly mobile sistah girlfriends conversations in one of these movies, it sounds exactly like a conversation I've had with my girls at one point or another.
So really who is following me?

I think the reality is that men of all races have problems and the same is true of women...I can only work on/change me.

Speaking of me. I am obsessed with sequins. I guess this is an extension of my love for all things bedazzled. But yeah I tried on two sequined dresses this weekend that I might need a sponsor to obtain, but I must have nonetheless. So fabulous.

There is a party coming up that I am super hype about, then the cruise...lots to look forward to.

And what is it about the chilly weather that makes me feel like I should be tangled up in the sheets getting my back blown out? Oh. Sorry, just me...? I hate winter for that reason. All the other seasons I'm happily solo and content with celibacy (as "content" as I can be that is), winter rolls around and its like I'm back to week one of being off the wagon. On the wagon? I always get that confused. Any AA member wanna put themselves on blast and correct me?


"Don't feel no pity for me
Cause I'm going through a couple things,
Life means change,
That's the way it goes..." Jill Scott "Wanna Be Loved"

...

So my Ace is moving away, the fabulous JAC. I'm super hype for her and all that this new opportunity means. I still havent really thought much about the fact that she won't be living down the street anymore. In fact this post is the most i've contemplated that future...this post therefore might be short :).

This was the weekend of her party-it was fun. The right mix of ppl were there and hilarity ensued. By far my favorite part was watching the men politic and goof off, there is just something so heartwarming to me about watching these men enjoy black male camaraderie...these successful, ambitious, money having, grown men being, responsibility taking care of, fresh to death dressed, silly men. Wonderful.
I thought the couples were a beautiful thing as well. All that good black love. I aspire to that one day.

What else....a couple situations that I thought might cause me stress that evening didn't materialize in the way I thought they would so I was happy about that. I was irritated from time to time but overall I let the irritants roll off.
I'm dreading going to work tomorrow.

The rest of the week is full of various farewells for JAC. Makes me think of how segmented our lives are...the party ppl over here, the religious ppl over there, work ppl elsewhere...funny. I just hope she doesn't feel spread too thin. Moving is a busy time and while trying to see everyone before leaving is noble and kind (inkeeping with her normal personality) sometimes limits have to be recognized. But if she's in, i'm in.

I'm happy we have the cruise coming up. otherwise this move might be more problematic for me :) I know that I'll be seeing her in about a month so there is no need to think in terms of missing her or, or being sad...i'm going to be seeing/partying/laughing/relaxing/catching up with her in like 5 minutes, what is there to be sad about? Plus the other J will be here in a week or two, so the transition won't be too hard. Awww my girls. My east coast girls.

For JAC I pray that she gets the grasp on her relationship with God that she wants, I pray for her and baby boi-who each time I see them solidifies for me the for-realness of their love-, I pray she won't be too cold, that she'll make good, wholesome new friends, and rekindles old quality friendships (and leaves those nonsense, crazy, dont call that person ever again friendships alone :) lol), that she'll love her new job, that i'll get to somehow benefit from whatever perks she might have :), and that I will be bridesmaid dress ready for when she moves back. Yeah that's assuming a lot, but hey its what I do...