...Of Pimps and....

So its Friday morning I have a hearing downtown LA, so as my usual I hop the lovely blue line to save me the gas and parking (as an added bonus I get to read and see my people). As I'm walking to buy my ticket I hear two dudes talking on the steps to the platform, one comes over to where I am to watch me and the other stays put.

Now I know that there is no way not to cross their path so I get my game face on, brace myself for the duo ghetto combo. I'm not sure if I'm the only one who notices this but there is strength in numbers-you pass one ghetto dude and you might get some whispered comments in your direction, perhaps even an outloud "hey girl!" But that's really about it. You pass through two or more and they feed off one another, they are commenting about you/at you as much for your benefit as for each other.

And sure enough I hit the stairs and the youngest one thinks I am beautiful, sexy, I've got it like that, damn girl, etc. The older just keeps looking at my behind and smacking his mouth sucking his teeth. I pass quickly yet politely say good morning to both. As I'm near the top of the stairs and all they can see is my behind walking up stairs (is there a better viewpoint of me? Doubtful.) The younger says "you are the definition of a beautiful black woman". Nice! Right?! The older says in reply "naw she ain't that fine." Oh. Ok.

So now I'm on the platform reminding myself that I am in fact not that cute. And here comes the older one walking toward me...in what can only be described as a pimps ode to the Lakers (I take Laker love in all forms), an enormous rayon/poly blend purple and yellow button up (I almost wrote "dress shirt", but that just couldn't possibly be right) that nicely complemented the tattoo under his right eye and the one on his neck.

So he's asking me what I do, informs me that he is a pimp (said with all seriousness) and that he is moving to vegas for one month to make a quick 30k and then he's coming back here, maybe. Ok two things: if you can go somewhere and make 1000 per day, why would you leave that place? Secondly, is it "moving" if you are only staying 30days?

Anyhow, we chat. He apparently thinks I'm L7 (a square), convo wanes. My train comes and I'm like well I catch it down here so bye, he replies "go on then, ain't noby keeping you here!" Now mind you, it was all said with a smile in a jokey way but still it was like all chatty, chatty cool and then 'bitch get on!' Oh. Ok.

As I'm walking away I chunk him the dueces and turns out this means that I do know more then I'm letting on, with this one motion I negate my L7 status. So he comes walking over yelling about "oh you just gone chuck me the deuces, see you need a backhand (while making the motion), you need to be put in line, etc." I chuckle and state that I'm a suburb girl who knows nothing about nothing, I'm from Rancho Cucamonga with a little Pomona thrown in. His reply: "oh you got Ptown in there, Sugafree damn near invented this pimpin' ish."

By now I'm getting on the train and realizing that he is getting on train with me and the train car is EMPTY. Great, just what I wanted alonetime with a pimp. On an empty train one would think he would sit in front of me or across the isle, nope he sits right next to me. Now I have to figure out a nice way to tell him to get away from me and sit elsewhere, b/c I've seen "American Pimp" and I know how it can switch from all good to all bad in a second. And I really didn't want to start my morning in a slap fight with a pimp showing unintentional Laker love.

He says "I'm Bougie by the way." I didn't know if he meant that as an adjective or...then I realized it was his name. NICE. And to further impress upon me his stupendous level of class, "feel my shirt...this shit is soft...you feel that?" Sadly I think he was under the impression it was silk...it wasn't.

In the meantime he is wiping his running nose and I spy what I think is my way out of sitting with him..."are you sick?" I ask? "I don't want to be sick!" He assures me that he's not sick his nose is just running from the cocaine from last night. I also learned that coke goes well with filet mignon (and he pronounced it pheonetically mig-non...how the classy do it), and causes you to wake up angry. Now I've seen "what's love go to do with it" as well and recall what coked up Ike did to Tina...needless to say I settled into my ride with a pimp named Bougie and decided to endure his closenss.

For a brief moment we had a pleasant and rational conversation about the merits of the straight life, and traveling, and as the next stop came near he turns his full body toward me and says:

"So uh, you ain't gettin no younger, so whatchu wanna do?"

I have no clue what he meant by that, I don't understand the context, I don't know if he meant was I planning on continuing the straight life vs. joining him, if he meant was I planning on joining him for the day, if I wanted to come to vegas with him for his "move", or simply if I was going to give him my phone number. I don't know, and will never know b/c I fell out laughing, loudly, full head back tilt, mouth open. He laughed at me laughing but I think it was a serious question.

The stop came, he hugged me goodbye, wished me a nice day and left to me still cracking up.

Later in the day I'm telling my cousin and her Australian boyfriend about a pimp named Bougie that I met on the train, and boyfriends immediate response was: "Pimps ride the train?" Oh but they do, oh but they do.