Consortium

In unusual fashion here is a quickie....

I was doing some research about a legal issue today (aka-working) and came across a case where the plaintiff was injured resulting in about 2 years worth of sexual dysfunction, I think he broke his pelvis or some such and was unable to have sex for a year before the trial and likely for another year afterwards. Obviously he wanted compensation for all his injuries. However the law also allows for a spouse to seek money for what is called "loss of consortium", which basically entails all that people in marriages benefit from...sex, companionship, etc. Typically this loss is compensated heavily when a spouse is killed. However in this particular case the wife was awarded $40,000 for the lack of her husbands sexual services for 2 years and some change.

Which lead me to wonder how much is two years worth of sex with my husband worth? I mean he cannot perform at all...his pelvis is broken, and should it not heal properly he may be "handicapped" forever.

While I know this sort of loss cannot ever truly be quantified...Is it just me that thinks 40k is not NEARLY adequate?
I guess the argument could be made that the amount that he is awarded in damages is partly hers as well so in essence she is getting more then 40k...but I think I would want the record to reflect that sex with my husband is worth more then 20k per year!

The Weekend Recap

Last week was so busy! So I was very much looking forward to this weekend and the option of doing absolutely nothing. J went out of town, my sister went out of town so I was going to have a lot of me time, which I was sorta looking forward to.

Fri: Anytime I leave the office at 6:30 on a Friday...it has clearly been a long week. So I decided that after I submitted all that I had due I would take myself on a date to the movies. I saw Superbad. There were parts of that movie where I thought I might get thrown out for laughing too loud, or too long. Now granted, one of the kids in the movie, Michael Cera, was in my all time favorite tv comedy "Arrested Development" and really just looking at him makes me laugh. But I think that if you are into comedy, and aren't easily offended you too will find this movie hilarious. It is a smart, witty, sometimes raunchy comedy but I absolutely loved it.

Sat: I spent the day chillin in my bed, which was wonderful. I had a movie channel preview weekend, so I watched some movies I hadn't seen, and re-watched some that I loved. That evening I got together with some of my girls for a dinner at a fabulous restaurant in downtown Culver City. I met up with one of them for some pre-dinner wine at a lovely wine bar where our beautiful French waiter kept touching me...he could have been my "something new" but i'm pretty certain that he was gay, and if its even a question...i'll pass. Then we got up with the rest of the girls and had the most "Black Sex and the City" dinner conversation. It was great! One of them just got back from Egypt, and despite having 10+ degrees between us the questions were along the lines of: Did you see any mummys? Did you see any hieroglyphics? Did people walk around like the Bangels "walk like an egyptian" video? Did they play that song at the club? After attempting to reduce Egypt to every disney movie stereotype we knew, we covered the usual topics, sex, relationships, shopping, hair, work, and who invited which lames to the book club. Gotta love those girls.

Sun: I went to the meeting in the afternoon, despite having a massive caffeine withdrawl headache, attempted to work, but took a nap instead, and then went to the Teedra Moses concert with my friend D. I love D, known him since highschool, he is one of my most honest and non judgmental friends, we always have a great time when we get together, we have tons in common including a similar taste in men. Last night he provided me with the very useful service of advising me of who is on the downlow, I was saddened by some of his picks, but the reality was they were looking at him hard. He also introduced me to who may be the newest love of my life-his old college roommate, S. S is also fabulous, but he is one of those who I think could fool you re: his sexuality. He reminds me of so many men in LA, and had I not met him with D I might have just thought that he was your typical metro LA man. The three of us fell into banter like we'd known each other all our lives. Great times.
As for the concert...some rap group, El Prez, opened. And they embodied all that I hate about rap concerts-rapping over your own vocals, too many unnecessary people on stage, inarticulate rapping (i can always understand what common, black thought, mos def etc are saying live, why are all your words running together?) and all the irritating instructions (hands in air, call and response..I'm sorry am I performing or you?). Then this dude named Patrick Fennison...ehhhh. Then Mullatto....if you ever get word that they are playing in your town, go see them. They put on an amazing show if nothing else. Its a multi-ethnic full band, the white boy plays keys, tambourine, trumpet, and Lord knows what else...we deemed him the hardest working man of the night. They finally have a CD for sale, and even though its only 5 songs, i've been playing it over and over since last night. I am so hype for their rise to fame.
Then Teedra...I love her shows! She always sounds and looks amazing. She had on this dress last night! H-O-T...I want that dress for my cruise! S said about her, "Keysha Cole has her [Teedra's] career." I think that's true, she really should be what/where K. Cole is.

All in all it was a great weekend.

As a sort of random aside, there was a lot of talk this weekend about wearing white this wknd and next since its labor day and therefore the last opportunity to wear it. I don't own many all white things, that's not really my look. But I wonder how many people subscribe to this notion, still? I know 2 of my 4 readers (lol) are east coast people and that these sorts of fashion rules are written in stone out there, but do west coast ppl care and or abide by this "rule"? Besides what are the consequences if I choose to wear white the weekend of September 15? Will I be issued a citation? Will people point and stare? Will I be tarred and feathered? Just curious.

Abusive Relationships

I am in an abusive relationship.
I realize that now.
After years of trying to overcome and overlook the abuse with love and understanding and just plain indifference, I realize now the abuse will not stop and the cycle will continue.

I like Rap. No I'm lying, I love rap. I love the clever wit, the beats, the hooks, the voices of the rappers-I love it all. I love it when its unintentionally funny, chock full of swagger, grimy, gritty, revolutionary, instructional, and even when its perverse (who doesn't like "put it in yo mouth" or "It ain't no fun"?).

But this morning as I drove up the 405 having my first listen to UGK's album, I realized that rap music doesn't really love me. My love, respect and admiration for it is unrequited. Dag.

You can't describe the various sexual acts you will perform and then have the hook "Bit*h you know you like that/Bit*h you know I like that" and then a few songs later put Talib on a track and have Raheem DeVaughn sweetly remind me of the ways in which you respect and love real women. That one song doesn't redeem the way you have spoken to and about me on the rest of the album. Regardless of whether or not I may or may not like "that" of which you speak, something is definitely taken away when you start the sentence with bit*h! And Yes Pimp C, I heard you say that B is a pet name and that I shouldn't get upset...but come on now, how does your mother, sister, daughter (cause i know you got some kids) feel about this so-called pet name?

I know, I know...no one is forcing me to come back to Rap. I could stay over there with that fake fairytale love of R&B, where days are spent romancing, sexing, breaking up, getting back together, partying, cheating, and reminiscing. But that life gets old. Sometimes I just want something with a little edge to it, ya know, is that so wrong? And that's when I'm attracted to rap again. You make me think you've changed, you put out artists like Common and Talib to lure me back in. Once I'm hooked on the beats, and the knocking of my speakers, there you go again starting back in with that bullish, calling me out my name, threatening me with physical injury, disrespecting me and carrying-on.

One day...one day...you are gonna go to far, call me out my name one to many times, or catch me on one of my more feminist revolutionary days, and that is going to be it. I am going to leave you for good. And then what are you gonna do?

Just some stuff....

...My parents left. Praise him, I made it through. There were times that it looked bad. Where it looked like I wasn't going to be able to survive, and that's when I had to turn to the bible and say David's prayer..."Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for you are with me..." and thats what got me through. I'm exaggerating slightly, but the reality is it was tough. I love them, sometimes we can have fun, but for the most part they drive me really crazy. I wholeheartedly believe that part of the problem is that we only see each other twice a year, which to them means, they only have those two opportunities to "straighten us out" (a phrase I heard repeatedly during their three week odyssey). When they lived in Rancho (about 50 miles from where I live), my sis and i would go visit on a sat or sun afternoon, hang out, have dinner, help my step dad with the latest electronic device that he had purchased despite being unable to operate, let my mom describe in painstaking detail her latest home decoration project, dish about our respective congregations, talk about work, extended family drama and the like. It was pleasant, b/c they knew and we knew that we would see them again in a couple weeks. There was no need to hash out in detail every single complaint we have about each other, b/c neither of us were going anywhere and really it wasn't anything significant enough to ruin a perfectly good afternoon. Now however...it will be months before they see us again, which means it is imperative to nit pick and discuss to death each and every foible, flaw, or potential issue they (by "they" I mean my mother) may have with us. Which then in turn puts us on the defensive, and just generally makes for a very tense "vacation". By the end of it my mother knew that she had in fact gotten on our last nerves and stated this to me...when she asked if i was sick of her I told her, out loud, that it was time for her to go home. I said out loud to my mother that she needed to go home. I felt more then a tinge of regret about saying this, and other things, later-somethings don't need to be said out loud...i'll call and apologize. I was in such a fowl mood on the day that they were leaving that a conversation that I needed to have with them, I couldn't have because my sour mood had me in the totally wrong frame of mind...you should not derive any pleasure in having your parents be disappointed in you...i'm not 12, so i'll talk to them some other time.

...Its funny how a non-response can speak volumes. All my questions have been answered. I'm grateful, he likely doesn't know how much he's helped me.

...my little brother and I are finally developing a relationship. He has turned into a real person, and not just a machine full of silly, immature comebacks and juvenile banter...i mean don't get it twisted he is still terribly immature but he's a boy so he's probably right on track...he has a really sweet girlfriend, who if she were my sister or friend I would tell her to break up with him because he is a jerk. Thus far i've asked her why she likes him, and when she figures that out to call me, and i've told her to run. I can't determine what the appropriate course of action here is though-talk to my brother about why he is a jerk and a terrible boyfriend-knowing he won't listen or care about what I have to say, or talk to her about why she is worth more then the way that he treats her-and risk my brother and I's newfound relationship? Hmmm. I love my brother, but I have a difficult time standing idly by while any woman is being demeaned by her significant other.

..."Let it Go" by K. Cole is the new anthem! (as an aside I miss my girls, one is already gone, the other is on the way...Thank the Lord for all the photographs and memories...)

...With all the other drama in my life i have been thankfully distracted from the moving of my buddies...nor have i addressed how when one of them says that she feels that she has no family here, it stings everytime...i know she means no harm by it, but it still stings...whether she considers me family or not I do consider her close as kin...but maybe thats because i like her more then i like most ppl I am blood related to, and she actually likes her family...hmmm, :)

...I billed 181 hours last month. I am so proud of myself. to put that in context, I cannot bill for every moment that I am here, I try to though, so if i'm here 10 hours I probably bill 8-8.5 hours. Which means that last month, namely that first and third week, I was working like crazy. I take pleasure in that...what kind of sickness is that?

...J and I met some of the LAMEST men of all time at the beach party on Sat. like lame, lame. I'm not sure if it was a function of our general standoffishness and obvious desire not to be bothered that only those with the most severe cases of delusions of grandeur dared to approach. Or, if there were several dares taking place among the socially rejected sending them our way. In any case, if we were on the hunt, that day would have been sadly disappointing, unless we opted to pursue gentleman. We couldn't even get more then two ppl a piece into our top 5 category. How sad is that?? One of the ones I picked for my top 5, slid his business card to this other chick I know and he is the mailroom asst. I am not knocking his job, I think its great that he is gainfully employed...but why does he need a business card? Are there networking opportunites for mailroom positions? Is it often that he gets to talk up the interworkings of the mailroom in which he assists to clients, and potential clients? I mean I don't know i'm just curious.

...I'm beginning to believe, again, that this one chick I know has an odd connection to me. I feel like she is not this clingy with others as she is with me. Its strange! She met J and I the same night, hung with us both the same amount of time, and yet I get all the texts, calls, emails, requests to grab dinner/movie/happy hour etc... or the "it was great seeing you at the beach party yesterday!" Was it? Why? It wasn't that great for me to see you...I mean that's strange right?

...Ok like forreal, forreal...i'm going on a cruise in Jan. To a place where my big thighs and love handles (i am being so kind to myself right now) are the preference of the locals, which means I will be in a bathing suit, which means I gotta learn how to exercise again...and soon...T.F., V.W. I gotta get on ya'lls work out grind....