Just some stuff....

...My parents left. Praise him, I made it through. There were times that it looked bad. Where it looked like I wasn't going to be able to survive, and that's when I had to turn to the bible and say David's prayer..."Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for you are with me..." and thats what got me through. I'm exaggerating slightly, but the reality is it was tough. I love them, sometimes we can have fun, but for the most part they drive me really crazy. I wholeheartedly believe that part of the problem is that we only see each other twice a year, which to them means, they only have those two opportunities to "straighten us out" (a phrase I heard repeatedly during their three week odyssey). When they lived in Rancho (about 50 miles from where I live), my sis and i would go visit on a sat or sun afternoon, hang out, have dinner, help my step dad with the latest electronic device that he had purchased despite being unable to operate, let my mom describe in painstaking detail her latest home decoration project, dish about our respective congregations, talk about work, extended family drama and the like. It was pleasant, b/c they knew and we knew that we would see them again in a couple weeks. There was no need to hash out in detail every single complaint we have about each other, b/c neither of us were going anywhere and really it wasn't anything significant enough to ruin a perfectly good afternoon. Now however...it will be months before they see us again, which means it is imperative to nit pick and discuss to death each and every foible, flaw, or potential issue they (by "they" I mean my mother) may have with us. Which then in turn puts us on the defensive, and just generally makes for a very tense "vacation". By the end of it my mother knew that she had in fact gotten on our last nerves and stated this to me...when she asked if i was sick of her I told her, out loud, that it was time for her to go home. I said out loud to my mother that she needed to go home. I felt more then a tinge of regret about saying this, and other things, later-somethings don't need to be said out loud...i'll call and apologize. I was in such a fowl mood on the day that they were leaving that a conversation that I needed to have with them, I couldn't have because my sour mood had me in the totally wrong frame of mind...you should not derive any pleasure in having your parents be disappointed in you...i'm not 12, so i'll talk to them some other time.

...Its funny how a non-response can speak volumes. All my questions have been answered. I'm grateful, he likely doesn't know how much he's helped me.

...my little brother and I are finally developing a relationship. He has turned into a real person, and not just a machine full of silly, immature comebacks and juvenile banter...i mean don't get it twisted he is still terribly immature but he's a boy so he's probably right on track...he has a really sweet girlfriend, who if she were my sister or friend I would tell her to break up with him because he is a jerk. Thus far i've asked her why she likes him, and when she figures that out to call me, and i've told her to run. I can't determine what the appropriate course of action here is though-talk to my brother about why he is a jerk and a terrible boyfriend-knowing he won't listen or care about what I have to say, or talk to her about why she is worth more then the way that he treats her-and risk my brother and I's newfound relationship? Hmmm. I love my brother, but I have a difficult time standing idly by while any woman is being demeaned by her significant other.

..."Let it Go" by K. Cole is the new anthem! (as an aside I miss my girls, one is already gone, the other is on the way...Thank the Lord for all the photographs and memories...)

...With all the other drama in my life i have been thankfully distracted from the moving of my buddies...nor have i addressed how when one of them says that she feels that she has no family here, it stings everytime...i know she means no harm by it, but it still stings...whether she considers me family or not I do consider her close as kin...but maybe thats because i like her more then i like most ppl I am blood related to, and she actually likes her family...hmmm, :)

...I billed 181 hours last month. I am so proud of myself. to put that in context, I cannot bill for every moment that I am here, I try to though, so if i'm here 10 hours I probably bill 8-8.5 hours. Which means that last month, namely that first and third week, I was working like crazy. I take pleasure in that...what kind of sickness is that?

...J and I met some of the LAMEST men of all time at the beach party on Sat. like lame, lame. I'm not sure if it was a function of our general standoffishness and obvious desire not to be bothered that only those with the most severe cases of delusions of grandeur dared to approach. Or, if there were several dares taking place among the socially rejected sending them our way. In any case, if we were on the hunt, that day would have been sadly disappointing, unless we opted to pursue gentleman. We couldn't even get more then two ppl a piece into our top 5 category. How sad is that?? One of the ones I picked for my top 5, slid his business card to this other chick I know and he is the mailroom asst. I am not knocking his job, I think its great that he is gainfully employed...but why does he need a business card? Are there networking opportunites for mailroom positions? Is it often that he gets to talk up the interworkings of the mailroom in which he assists to clients, and potential clients? I mean I don't know i'm just curious.

...I'm beginning to believe, again, that this one chick I know has an odd connection to me. I feel like she is not this clingy with others as she is with me. Its strange! She met J and I the same night, hung with us both the same amount of time, and yet I get all the texts, calls, emails, requests to grab dinner/movie/happy hour etc... or the "it was great seeing you at the beach party yesterday!" Was it? Why? It wasn't that great for me to see you...I mean that's strange right?

...Ok like forreal, forreal...i'm going on a cruise in Jan. To a place where my big thighs and love handles (i am being so kind to myself right now) are the preference of the locals, which means I will be in a bathing suit, which means I gotta learn how to exercise again...and soon...T.F., V.W. I gotta get on ya'lls work out grind....